In the Sunshine

fuckabella @ 2008-09-23T19:45:00

2008-09-24T03:00:49Z

\I have to find a myth to tell for a class and i'm researching the myth of Sophia.

"Sophia is analogous to the human spirit and resides in each human as the divine spark"

"Gazing down into the world of matter, the younger Sophia sees reflected there a transcendent light. Drawn by desire to possess this light and duplicate its image she leaves her heavenly consort, the Christ, and descends into the world of matter.

There she rushes about, hovering to and fro, trying to impart life to the chaotic inert elements. Finally she becomes helplessly immersed in mud, unable to extricate herself. Nevertheless, just by sheer contact with matter, she produces a being -- an odd, lion-faced entity, whom she calls Ildabaoth (Ilda, child; Baoth, chaos)."

ooh something shiney! and forgets all consequences.

"There the twin angels of human personalities also reside and the celestial bride chamber is erected wherein the lesser selves of humans may meet and be wedded to their spiritual counterparts, the twin angels."

that reminds me of my tattoo and me being a gemini.^

"The human spirit, which belongs to., the fullness...is the gift of Sophia. In most humans this spiritual spark smolders and dreams, unconsciously awaiting the breath of the emissaries of the fullness to be fanned into effective action. This spirit is of Sophia, and through and beyond her, it is .of the identical essence as the supreme King and Queen, Depth and Silence themselves."

"Such is the gift of Sophia, drawn from the endless treasury of the light and made available to humans by way of her compassion and wisdom. She who remained faithful to the true light entreats her children to do likewise. Faithfulness to the spirit dwelling in the deepest and highest recesses of their nature will thus lead them to the renunciation of illusion and the embracing of the real. . "

my desire to spread the love i feel, what is real.

you can read it uselessscience.com/forum/index.php

fuckabella @ 2008-09-08T21:49:00

2008-09-09T04:50:12Z

I guess you don't need it
I guess you don't want me to repeat it
But everything I have to give I'll give to you
It's not like we planned it
You tried to stay, but you could not stand it
To see me shut down slow
as though it was an easy thing to do
Listen when
All of this around us'll fall over
I tell you what we're gonna do
You will shelter me my love
And I will shelter you
I will shelter you

-Ray Lamontagne - Shelter

i love that song so much

my mom and i got into a huge fight today. i feel like i can't see anything as it is. so i can say my opinion, but everything in an opinion is obviously so convoluted in whoever has it's own shit that it is only a version of the truth. like everything. it's just so difficult when you're talking to one person one day who is so loving and shit and then the next is so stubborn and immovable and self righteous. but we'll figure it out anyways. as everyone does.

today was the first day of classes. i kinda feel dead inside, but i'm not unhappy. i just don't feel as alive. i need to get back into my routine. i want to start meditating again and get a gym key. but there is no jump start to back to yourself. i guess i'm growing up. i guess we all are. i just feel so out of my body. i don't feel connected to my mind and i feel like there is sooo much going on underneath the surface that i'm so unaware of and that scares me. and that's why i need to meditate.

i ichatted with morgan tonight. i love her. i know just because no actually interesting guy has ever liked either doesn't mean we're not worthwhile. obviously. but i guess it just confuses me. i mean, i've never been actually liked. by someone i had mutual respect for. i grab onto things that resemble that, but none are it. it just saddens me. and makes me feel lesser than. but i've never thought of it before now.

i feel dumb.

fuckabella @ 2008-04-05T02:14:00

2008-04-05T06:22:11Z

ho-la sheeeeet

so tomorrow is calarts accepted students day. i'm nervous! can you believe it? i can't remember the last time i got nervous for something that actually mattered. this isn't even a big deal, i'm just making it one. but i'm in a group on facebook for 2012 class and most everyone seems nice and open and mad chill..not that you can tell anything really from those things, but still. 2 alumni from bsa who are current students contacted me to check shit out. i'm really happy

i love l.a..

today was my first full day, and it was just glorious. everyone is so much nicer and i don't know i just love it. you recognize people everywhere..so funny. i just feel like i fit in here. i mean i feel comfortable in baltimore more than anywhere and that's why i like it there, but i feel like i fit here. in baltimore i'll wear something crazy and people will look at me weird but i don't care because i'm comfortable, but here, it's just like, i'm where i belong. this trancends my wardrobe btw, i'm not that superficial. just in general. the attitude, the vibe, the food..god. i'm where i belong. and it's just lovely.

it's crazy that all of my life i've been dreaming of going to california to realize my dreams, and i'm just so close to being close. this is wonderful. i hope tomorrow is wonderful. it will be

i got some FLY motherfucking clothes today. my mama is wearing off on me as you can see...she's so funny. she came up with all of these discreet gestures and stuff for us to communicate.

now that i'm not smoking really, i'm keeping a consistent low weight! even though i eat what i want and don't go to the gym religously.

got my leggies waxed today for the first time, amazing!

LOVE LOVE LOVE

fuckabella @ 2007-07-25T19:11:00

2007-07-25T23:11:42Z

Post anything that you want here, and post it anonymously. A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love, what you think of me, just anything. Just make it honest. Make sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post as many times as you'd like. Then, put this in your LJ to see what others have to say.

public entry since this is such a momentous occasion...

2006-09-02T16:57:41Z

i lost 12 lbs!

♥ locked ♥

2006-05-30T00:06:36Z

fob by even_when

header by __uglylandscape

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